December blog

What is Christmas like for you.

As we enter December moods start to change. There are the Christmas lovers, and there are the Christmas haters. Which camp are you in?

The Christmas period (Which seems to be starting earlier and earlier each year) can be Heaven or Hell but why?

For those that love Christmas it’s usually because they celebrated great Christmases. They have great memories of family Christmases or special presents or even watching the Christmas specials on TV. All those fond memories mean that Christmas is still special all these years later.

Whereas people who grew up in houses that didn’t enjoy Christmas. Perhaps money was tight, or too much was drunk and dinner or the day was spoiled. Or perhaps your family didn’t like Christmas and you have carried on that same feeling.

The bottom line is we don’t know why people feel the way they do and that’s OK. That’s their way. However if it is down to a past negative memory that you carry over year after year, there is something you can do, but only if you want to.

When we think of past events. It’s never really our memory not 100%. You see we attach an emotion to that memory and that emotion skews that memory. And it’s that attached memory that you can release and in doing so you can change the way you think moving forward. That’s my NMR. But here are some reasons why some hate Christmas and why some love it.

11 Reasons It's OK To Hate Christmas

1. Spending time with the in-laws is rough.

Pressure mounts about saying, doing, and wearing the right thing.

The silent judgment from family is often deafening on both sides of this relationship, causing arguments that otherwise usually wouldn't exist.

2. Family drama in all of its forms is maddening.

Family you usually don't see (or don’t get along with) bring with them a host of social dynamics that many don't want to deal with, even for a short visit. If you haven't seen them or spoken to them since the last family get-together, chances are there is either no real connection with that person or else there's tension.

Feeling obligated to then sit nicely and make small talk with these people you don't necessarily care for (or with whom you have unresolved issues) creates an atmosphere of tension that's ripe for drama. Even just the time before and after the holidays, anticipating (or, afterward, processing) spending time with them can stress you out.

3. Friends who don't mix well can be bothersome.

You know them (and love them) individually, but they don't know each other, and during the holidays, everyone is going to cross paths. The mixed personalities, unknown dynamics, and silent jealousies can make things so awkward, you never get to relax and enjoy the party.

4. Tension between "blended" families is seldom fun.

Christmas after divorce includes step kids, new girlfriends and boyfriends, exes invited by your friends (and they didn't tell you!) — these situations require a whole new set of communication skills.

Too many unspoken and unresolved situations just create a bad vibe for everyone.

5. Office parties. Enough said.

How do you act? Who should you bring with you? How many drinks is it socially acceptable to consume?

These are merely the warm-up questions, because the real challenge of the event is putting a smile on your face and pretending to ignore the same giant elephant in the room that everyone else is dodging: office politics.

6. Family members discussing your romantic life is a bummer.

Whether it's family, friends or nosy neighbours scrutinizing, during the holidays, who is single and who is taken is very apparent.

If you're not in a committed relationship — or you don't bring someone to the gathering/party — you know this annoying, intrusive questioning is coming.

7. Holiday shopping is exhausting and expensive.

Fights over parking spots, missing that last sale item, pushing past throngs of people in aisle three — everyone's patience is thinner, their tone a little curter, and their nerves a little more frazzled.

And keep in mind, this effort is all to portray yourself as a warm, generous, thoughtful, giving, and incredibly kind person in the eyes of those you love. (Anyone else see a disconnect here)?

8. Gift-giving competitiveness is a real drag.

What should I get them? Is it enough? Is it on par with what they're getting me? What if they get me something and I don't get them something? And social media only creates a deeper sense of "I didn't get enough" or "I didn't give enough."

From how many gifts each one of your "friends" received to how beautifully they were wrapped, it's all going on public display. Let the Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest showdown begin.

9. Being single can be tough.

The holiday season is often especially hard for those who are not in a relationship. Feelings of social pressure, inadequacy, loneliness, or bitterness can creep up, distancing the single from the otherwise festive festivities.

10. Fights and disappointment caused by unspoken expectations flare up.

If you don't tell your partner what you want and expect during this time (not just with gifts, but regarding time spent with family, holiday traditions, time management, attending events, to-do lists, finances), you will create a mountain of tension where there was none — simply because you didn't speak up honestly.

11. Imposing our own version of "love" on each other gets problematic.

We're told at a young age to treat others the way we wish to be treated, but that often doesn't work. People crave love and recognition in unique ways. But we often give love and recognition as we hope to receive it, thinking that makes others feel loved, too (when it definitely does not).

If one person values time spent together, they'll want (expect) lots of quality time with you creating special holiday memories. But if someone else values effort, they don't want time together, they want a thoughtful gift (homemade or carefully shopped for) that reflects that their wants, needs, and interests were noticed all year These two people will probably gift to others as they themselves wish to receive love, yet neither will actually feel cared for in the end because neither received love how they want it. So much for "it's the thought that counts."

Now to counter that 12 reasons people love Christmas

1. The Decorations

Everything is so colourful and jolly. All the stores have bright lights and sparkly decorations. Homes have Christmas trees glistening through the window with bright lights and snowflakes and ice sickles coming from the rooftop.

2. Christmas Movies

I enjoy wrapping up on the couch with tons of blankets and watching a good Christmas movie. My favourite is Home Alone and the Muppet Christmas Carol. Those always put me in the mood

3. Wrapping Gifts

There is something about putting together a gift. Wrapping it up and putting a pretty bow on top is so pleasing. Then to put it under the tree makes it even more beautiful.

4. Spending Time with Family & Friends

Nothing honestly beats spending quality time with your family and friends. The conversations are always funny and entertaining. You create more memories as you reminisce on the old ones. Laughter is in the air and so is a good time.

5. The Food

This is when the best food is cooked. You get to fill up and eat more than you ever had. You get to have a wonderful home-cooked meal and gather around the table with friends and family. This is also the time when there are so many desserts that are oh so yummy.

6. Giving Back

I think it is important to give back in your community. You can go to the soup kitchen, volunteer with an organization, or adopt a kid to give gifts to. All of these are great ideas and there are plenty more depending on where you live.

7. Buying Gifts for Others

I get so giddy and excited when I buy a gift for a loved one. I imagine their reaction and what they’re going to feel inside when they unwrap their gift. They will see the sentiment and thought that I put into the gift.

8. The Christmas Tree

Finding the perfect Christmas tree is the best. You search long and hard and maybe even chop your own one down. Then you get to put it up and the whole house smells of the tree. You get to decorate the tree and watch it come alive. This is when the magic comes alive.

9. Opening Gifts

I think everyone enjoy opening presents. I cannot wait to open gifts from loved ones because it really is the thought that counts. I enjoy seeing their faces when I open the gift because they bought it thinking of me and that is what matters most.

10. The Christmas Spirit

There is such thing as the Christmas spirit. Everyone is jolly and happy. The giving mood is increased and being friendly becomes the norm. Smiles and laughter are coming from everyone.

11. A time to be thankful, grateful and to rest if possible.

So Christmas to everyone can feel different. There is no right or wrong. But wherever you stand, allow others to feel what they want to feel. Just because you love or hate Christmas doesn’t mean you have to force your views on to others. As the saying goes.

Goodwill to all Men and Women.

Until next month I wish you a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year.

Best wishes

Jon

PS. To anyone who is local to me, I am running a FREE SERVICE this Christmas

‘We Need To Talk’

A FREE service where I want to invite men who are struggling to come and have a non judgemental chat to me. I'm not going to sell you anything. but I will offer help and advice to get you through this period.